“Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you.”
– Roger Ebert
I am emotional. I am a romantic. I love deeply. I care greatly. I don’t think any of those things are something that people should be afraid or ashamed of. However, in today’s society I feel that women especially are supposed to pretend their feelings don’t matter or that romance is just something created in film. And to an extent that’s true, particularly the latter.
Maybe it has to do with the fact that I grew up in the arts, and artsy people tend to be more forward and in touch with their emotions, but I prefer to follow my heart, as cliché as that sounds. If I have strong feelings about something, why should I ignore them? Why should I pretend that they don’t exist? Maybe they’re not reciprocated or don’t line up with those of others, but they are still how I feel and aren’t I entitled to feel how I want? How I respond to things is just one of the ways that separates me from other people.
I can think of many examples where I ignored that gut feeling and didn’t act on it. In those cases, be it telling a boy I like him or trying something new, I reasoned with myself and talked myself out of doing said thing. When the opportunity had passed, I always instantly regretted not doing anything. However, things where I have acted upon my feelings nearly always turned out to be a positive experience.
Living in NYC, you would think I’d find block after block of people following their dreams, following their hearts. What I’ve mostly found is unhappy people talking themselves out of doing what they love in order to do something that will eventually allow them to do what they love. Yes, in NY you need to be head smart. But I feel like so many people move there because it’s “where dreams are made of” and then after the initial shock of grandeur end up doing things that don’t fulfill their dreams.
Like the quote above, I find that the more I think about a situation and stress over it the more confused I become. My emotions, however, are always clear. I always feel a certain way about everything, even if I can’t back it up with facts. It’s just something I feel. I remember being in classes like English where you always had to show why you came to that conclusion. I always struggled with that because a lot of the time I didn’t know how I arrived at my thought, I just felt it. I felt that that was what had to be said.
I guess what I’m struggling the most with is if your heart is telling you one thing, but someone’s head is telling you another, what do you do? You’ve already expressed how you feel so are you supposed to pretend that you don’t feel anything even though that would be a huge, painful lie –to yourself and to the other person? Or do you cut that thing out of your life until you don’t feel as strongly about it anymore and then hope you can eventually invite it back into your life?